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hot waterthe scolding hott watre
runs down my back
burning the skin as it passes
this is a sensation
that most think is hurtful
but to me
i have come to enjoy
the burning water
running down my back
it takes whatever pain i have in me
down the drain
the only down side is
when the waters hott
scars shows up... :
like the one on my left leg
right about the knee
of a regret so big
it hurts even more then the water
of the one i still love
but i hate loving
i <3 c.g.
it's embeded forever in my leg..
and even when my fears and dreads are being washed away
one of them is stuck with me forever
the tears poor downthe tears poor down
out of my puffy red eyes
my vision so blured i can't even see the keys
my face feels like it is going to explode
my cheast won't stop heaving
i can't stand up
can't just walk away
i am tied down to thiis frezzing cold bench
the one that represents my life
but in reality
i am sitting on my couch
with my noote padin hand ...
waitting t'ill the tears stop
so i can see better
what it is i am wrightting down
it's raining/snowing out
i think i'll go outside
and let the
wash away the tears
to let the darkness swallow me in
and take awat all bad
well at least for tonight
i hope ..
the cold poors down my face
and i can feell my tears starting to stop
and my hands starting to get reaallly cole
but i saty
and wait t'ill i am totaly out f tears
and my eyes feel normal again
i can finaly se what i wrote
i don't love bhim .. but he loves me .. how do i tell him that?
great just what i need
*burst into tears
why and how?sometimes i just close my eyes
and let my hand scribble the words
i dare not say allowed
to get what is in my minf out
so i don't go insane
(well more then i am)
but sometimes the words come out in a mess...
in the wrong spot
like my mind is all cloged...
i think it might be
.. like this
i can't think of what to put next
but it is soo not done
and all this started over what i though was love
but hat tured out to be a mess
i am going underi am going under
maybe for the last time
and if so
then this is good bye .....
the darkness swallows
all living things,
but it never swallowed me
i could walk out
it was hard but i managed
now i go there willingly
it used to suck me in
but now i walk in whenever i feel like it
somehow i like
the hell like feel
of the blackness
people say go to hell
/// i can say i vacation there..
because i do .. and it is true to
... i'm going uder into the blackness ...
for the last time
... buh bye
,,, i love you <3
help me it won't stopi can't stop the shakking
the treamors roll though my body
like the waves of sickness...
with each breath
i feel alittle weaker
with every step
i know i will fall a little harder
with every night
i am scared not to wake up the next day
with evry wake ...
i am exhausted before the day even starts
and thoughout it all
i shake like i am freezzing
and i am wondering
if my heart and soul have frozzen over
i can'ti can't make my fingers dial your number
my fingers press the keyboard
i can't make my lips say your name ...
.. i am even more reluctant to say the words
i hold for only you
the ones you HATE to hear from me
... the ones i wish where true for you too
.... the ones i can only write on paper
the paper you never see...
... i love you ...<3
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